I feel powerless when i was being abused?

I am 21 now but don't feel like a man I don't know if it is becuase when I was twelve an older boy would hold me down as he fondled my . It hase made me feel that I should of escaped from him instead of what felt realy good which has made me confused, I don't know to tell my girlfriend I was abused, my friend was also abused the face he had when given a realy sacred me as if he was hypnotised and could not move' I now hate older people as well